Spiritual Speedbumps

It has been quite a while, hasn't it?  A little over 2 months actually.  It feels s bit foreign, like a stranger in a strange land, to be at the keyboard and punching away at the keys.  I am sitting here on my patio to write this, surrounded by my gardens, my feathered friends, and fresh chilly Spring air to help me through these first awkward and rusty keystrokes.  So bear with me if I seem to trail off the point.  I will get back to it...eventually.  (That is is I have a point.)

When last I was here in the blogosphere, I told of my dear great Oak tree and it's last days with us.  He was finally taken down on the morning of March 13th.  It was a sad day for both me and my husband.  I stayed with my Oak as long as I could before having to leave for the office.  When I returned, there was nothing left but a large stump.  I sat with it, right there on the sidewalk and felt his great spirit lingering there.  I got the oddest feeling that he wanted to wait until I returned to depart.  I talked to him for a few minutes, thanked him, praised him, and then...nothing.  He was gone.  I cried for hours, even cried myself to sleep that night, but in the back of my head, in the deepest part of my heart and spirit, I knew that it was the right decision to have him taken down.  It was his time.  He knew it.  I knew it.

In the midst of my sadness over the tree, in the wee hours of the next morning, I was awakened with a Miss Clavell moment.  The phone rang, jolting me from a very deep dreamless sleep.  It was my middle sister and she said two words.  "It's time."  Our little sis was in labor!  We rushed to New Jersey to be with her.  After 33 hours of labor, my sweet little niece came into the world.  I am honored to have been there with my little sis through every moment of it, good and bad.  It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life.

In the days since, many things have happened in my life, much of which I cannot begin to even put into words.  Let's just say that I have been on a family adventure.  It has been a time of true change and, much like a caterpillar, I have been wrapped in a cocoon until the time arrives that I am to emerge transformed.  In the meantime, I am going through many of the motions of life, sharing wisdom, gaining wisdom, rediscovering who and what I am, to myself and to others.  My spiritual path still lays at my feet but I am, again, at a crossroads, trying to decide which way to go next.  My garden keeps me grounded, keeps me connected with Mother Earth and Her rhythms.  Lighting a candle on my altar or smudging the house here and there helps me to remain mindful of the energies swirling around me every day.  I have found great support, many laughs and gentle guidance from my Pagan community, through Facebook and other social media and, of course, through friends and family.  I am hoping that today's full moon and next week's celebration of Beltane will jump start things a bit for me.

Writing has been difficult for me as of late too.  I took a leave of absence from my column at The Pagan Household and put my book on the backburner...again.  In the past two months, I have snippets of articles, notes for blogs, and a paragraph or two for the book.  I finally told myself that I had to just get in there and do it.  So today I decided to just sit down and let it flow.  Whatever I write, I write.  No pressure.  Just write.  Just let it come as naturally as it can.  With this, I think I am returning to the land of the written word.  It feels really good!

As I sit here and write, I am feeling a change in the energy, within myself, within the gardens.  In fact, I am seeing the change.  All of a sudden, the birds that don't normally come close to me, like the cardinals and the blue jays, are inching closer and closer.  And the female downy woodpecker has just revealed the site of her nest to me.  And I think we may have baby downy woodpeckers in there!  After many speedbumps in my spiritual path, I think things are beginning to get magickal again.