Of Holiday Blues, Rainbows and the Promise of Spring

It’s been a very long while, hasn’t it?  Once again, I must apologize to those of you who look forward to my blog posts but life has been crazy (and I mean crazy crazy).  The holidays really knocked me down several notches.  I just wasn’t into them this year.  Finances were tight and time was even tighter.  The state of affairs in the world had me steaming angry and feeling that all was becoming hopeless.  I did everything I was supposed to do for Yule, Christmas and New Year’s celebrations – cleaning, decorating, cooking, shopping, card-writing, etc.-and they wiped me out.  Somehow, right before Yule, I managed to find just enough holiday spirit to carry me through the next two weeks.  I came out the other side relatively unscathed, thank the Goddess!

January brought much sadness with the death of my cousin’s 12-year old daughter, Olivia, who had Juvenile Huntington’s Disease.  Although she was free from suffering, her passing hit all of us very hard.  My heart aches and my soul feels heavier each and every time my mind wanders to her smiling shining face, which is very often.  I also keep “bumping into” all things about The Wizard of Oz, one of her absolute favorite movies.  So I think this is her way of telling me that she’s happy wandering somewhere over the rainbow where she is now able to skip, play, run, jump and all the other things she could not do in this plane of existence.  I occasionally have this vision of Olivia sitting under a huge old tree at the end of a rainbow with my mother and my aunt (her grandmother).  They are reading aloud to her and she is playing with butterflies as she giggles and smiles.  I’m not sure if it’s the way I wish it to be or the way it really is, but with each vision I find myself crying and smiling at the same time.

With my uncharacteristic melancholy at the holidays and Olivia’s passing, the last half of January felt a bit unsteady.  My husband was working very long hours and bringing tons of work home (he still is), I was throwing myself into my book writing and catching up on normal household activities, and my son had so many school events that I had trouble keeping up with his schedule.  There had been no time to really just stop and reflect.  Until a few days before Imbolc’s arrival, one day blurred into the next.

Two days before Imbolc, I found that things began to slow down greatly for me.  Although the hubby was still working like a madman and my son still had a school event in the coming weekend, I did not feel that insane pressure.  I felt more grounded and centered.  I settled into a pace of preparing for Imbolc and doing the more mundane chores of daily life.  I was able to make considerable progress in my book, something which had all but been forgotten in the hustle and bustle of December.  I was able to read a few pages of a book each day.  Chores seemed to get done more quickly and more easily.  I was even able to take some time out of my day to head out to my garden and do a bit of straightening up, to feed the birds and watch for any newcomers, and to just be with nature for a while.  It was so nice.

But why did everything suddenly seem easier and lighter?  Why did there seem to be enough time in the day to get all done and still do some things for myself?  Why was I feeling a greater sense of peace?

It was the promise of Spring.  My spirit was sensing the subtle changes in the Earth, in the slant of the sun’s rays, in the budding life below the surface of the soil and was trying to relay this information to my mind, to my conscious self, which had been bogged down in everyday life.  The darkness of Winter was beginning to slip away.  Imbolc was almost here and it was heralding the coming of Spring!

Today, I took my time walking home from the office, enjoying the cool air and bright sunshine.  So far Winter has been strangely mild here in the Northeast.  Hardly any snow has fallen and we have not experienced bone-chilling temperatures.  My garden is a bit confused.  My hyacinths are coming up, my lilac has buds on it, and my parsley has continued to grow throughout the season.  There is still plenty of time left in Winter for a  Nor’Easter to head our way, which will wreak some havoc on my garden and the critters that live in and around it.  Yes, I would like to see some snow because it is what Winter in the northeastern/mid-Atlantic United States is all.  For now, I’ll take the promise of Spring and let it carry me forward into and through each day.

Thanksgiving Misgivings

First, let me start by apologizing to my readers for such a long absence from the blog.  Life has been quite busy lately.  I have been immersed in my writing as I continue my journey into the world of published works.  As some of you may know, my hard work has paid off.  I recently had an article published in an anthology about Samhain (Halloween).  The book is entitled “Pagan Writers Presents Samhain” (Pagan Writers Press 2011).  Pagan Writers recently informed me that they accepted two more article submissions for their upcoming anthology about Yule (Winter Solstice).  I have also sent them a book pitch, which they really liked.  I am now in the midst of writing that book.  This is all happening so fast but I am loving every second of it!  Amid all the writing, daily life has become more hectic with the onset of the holiday season.  So, once again, I am sorry.  Now that the apology is out of the way….onward.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.  We are all in the thick of things tonight--preparing our favorite family dishes, baking all sorts of desserts, thawing turkeys, planning the table seating, trying to figure out how to handle difficult dinner conversations, doing the last minute cleaning of the bathroom, or figuring out where our out-of-town relatives will sleep.  All of this planning, calculating, measuring, cleaning, and cooking can be very stressful, leading to a not-so-enjoyable holiday.  But yet we do it every year.  Why?  It’s actually a very simple answer, if you just step outside of yourself for a minute or two and really look at past Thanksgivings.  We do it because we love this holiday!  It’s about coming together with our families and friends, feasting for hours, toasting to our accomplishments, and giving thanks.  Okay, so maybe you have a family member who drinks a little too much and gets a little rowdy, or maybe your dad lights his pant leg on fire when he bangs out his pipe (a true story), or maybe the turkey is dry and like cardboard.  Things happen, stuff goes wrong, and a relative passes out from too much wine.  Think of these mishaps and slip-ups as a memory in the making, something that will be talked about for every Thanksgiving to come, a story to be passed down in the family.  As bad as it seems at the time, it will be hysterical next year when you all gather around the table again.  Think about it.  We all have a few funny holiday stories to tell!

Tonight things are moving at a steady pace.  I am writing this blog as pies are baking, laundry is washing and drying, and the turkey is thawing.  In a little while, I will make egg nog, prep celery, onions and herbs for stuffing and for the bird, pull sheets out for my sister who will be crashing on my sofa tomorrow night, put the leaf in the table, and prep the linens for the table setting.  I am definitely in multi-tasking mode.  Through it all, I am considering my blessings this year, giving thanks that I can celebrate with my family and friends, and instilling these feelings of gratitude into each task.  Maybe it will help others gathered around the table to feel more grateful or maybe it will fill them with a feeling of love and acceptance.  I am also thinking about all those funny holiday disasters and filling my tasks with a sense of humor, something which will come in handy tomorrow.  Keep these things in mind while doing all that you have to do tonight and through tomorrow.  You’ll see a definite change in the air.  That difficult relative won’t seem so difficult anymore, the wine spilled on your best tablecloth won’t really bother you, the burnt pie will still taste good, or things will just seem more peaceful, easier to do, or more balanced.

So, with that, I am off to further Thanksgiving preparations and wish all my readers a very Happy Thanksgiving!