I have been in a funk lately, unable to put the multitude of thoughts and ideas I have swirling in my head onto paper or screen in a coherent flowing piece of work. I cannot call it writer's block but just life's happenings throwing down roadblocks between me and the notebook or the computer. Each time I sit with the intent to write for a while, something else has come up to keep me from my task. I think I may also have a mild case of Seasonal Affective Disorder. After spending many long hours in my gardens from mid-March to mid-November, many an afternoon on the patio writing on my laptop, and many a morning just watching the birds from my chair in the yard, I think the lack of sunlight and fresh air has placed me in a state of semi-suspended animation. My thoughts are scattered, I am very forgetful and, by midday, I am ready for a nap. It is winter, after all, and a very good time to hibernate. Just ask a bear. But I need to get myself back on track, get back to feeling like my witchy village wise woman pagan writer self. But how?
I have been asking this of myself every day for about the past three weeks. I meditated on what has been going on in my life that would make writing feel so hard for me. There have been many family issues cropping up since the Summer. Yes, they have derailed me a bit but never made writing feel like a chore. Then the holidays came barrelling through, with so much to do and so much time spent on shopping, decorating, cooking and entertaining. I still managed to bang out a few articles and a blog post or two, through interruptions and all. But then January arrived and it was time to plan, prepare for, clean for and host my sister's baby shower, which was an absolute hit by the way. Throw into this mix being a parent of a teenage son, who is striving to be an independent individual adult (think 15 going on 30) but going about it the wrong way and - bang! - I crashed. I felt physically, mentally and spiritually spent. I was done, like stick a fork in me done. I couldn't even muster up an article for my column at The Pagan Household last week.
I delved into the depths of "poor me". No article. No significant work done on my book. No blog posts and so no growing number of blog followers. No garden in which to retreat to ground and center myself through getting my hands good and dirty. No abundant flowers and herbs to bring indoors with which to make teas, smudgesticks, and healing brews. Just the life of a working housewife and mother, keeping the house and the lives of those in it moving from day to day. Nothing spiritual about it. Nothing witchy about it. Nothing worth writing about. Poor me. And then it dawned on me. I am my own worst enemy sometimes. I was fighting against life happening, against change happening, and I was not going with the flow, the flow of winter.
Retreat, rest, and regenerate. That is the flow of winter. Like my plants in the garden, it was time to "die off" to be reborn again in the spring. It was happening all around me, in nature, in the issues with my son, in the daily workings of home and office, in my spirituality, in my path, and in my writing. It is the period right before a time of growth and rebirth, a death of sorts. I was dying in a way to be reborn again.
And who will I be when this process is over and spring returns? The jury is still out on that one as I have only begun to claw my way back from the depths of winter. I do know that I am no longer the mother of a middle school-age boy but the mother of a high school-age young man, requiring a whole new set of parenting skills and the occasional "medicinal" shot of whiskey from time to time. I also know that I am no longer just a mother but teetering on the phase of the crone. My body knows it, my spirit knows it and my mind is catching up to it. It's okay though. My maiden still comes out to play! After all, we cannot become one without the others. I also know that I am no longer just a witch who likes gardening but a witch whose gardens are entwined with her practices, with her art, with her healing, with her life.
As far as being a writer, I know this. I am no longer just a pagan writer. I am a budding pagan author. It's there, right there in front of me. I can feel it, see it rippling in the air in front of me. But I need to make some changes to a few things before it can really happen. I need to change me, first and foremost. I need to let go of fear, for that is what is truly holding me back. Fear of rejection, fear of not pleasing those who read my work, fear of not being accepted for who and what I am, fear of not being able to write when I sit down to do so, fear that my writing just isn't good enough. I have to let it all go. I need to write more often, no matter how many words I put on the paper or on the screen, no matter what the content, no matter who reads it, no matter if anyone reads it at all.
And then are the changes in my writing that, on the outside, might seem mundane but, at their core, are crucial. I need to change this blog. I spent the better part of last Friday evening brainstorming ideas about where I should go with the Village Wise Woman blog. I thought of changing the name but I feel that is who I am, a village wise woman, the Village Wise Woman. Whatever name change occurs will incorporate that name. I would like to grow the blog, get more followers, more readers. I am thinking of ways to do that. Perhaps guest bloggers, some giveaways of items from some crafty pagans, and having some links to other blogs and sites that I recommend and to the bloggers and writers that I respect and admire. I am also toying with the idea of a daily post, something short and to the point, like a daily tarot card or a daily guide to pagan gardening to include moon phase, astrological influences, etc. A blog overhaul is definitely in the works.
(This is where I need the help of my readers. I would like to hear from you. From the above ideas, what would you like to see on here? Leave a comment on this post and let me know your thoughts.)
I am learning to go with the flow again, getting back on my path and moving onward. I am changing again, becoming someone new while incorporating the old parts of me. Winter is here only for another six weeks and, soon, I will be born again, as my new fearless witchy mother-crone village wise woman pagan author self.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Winter Musings for A New Year
Winter's arrival heralds a time for reflection, planning and goal-setting and is the time of year that finds me at my most creative. Like my plants in their Winter slumber below the soil, I retreat to the depths of my mind and spirit to bring about new growth in the year ahead.
The Village Wise Woman Gardens are asleep for the coming cold days and nights of Winter, covered in layers of decaying Autumn leaves and bits of evergreen branches not used in our Yule wreaths, swags and vase arrangements. Only a few plants and bushes continue to grow - the holly in pots at the patio entrance, the Burkwood's Broom in the rock garden, the assorted evergreen bushes and trees, and, amazingly, my Japanese Honeysuckle, which still has bright red flowers on it and mostly bright green leaves. A couple of chrysanthemums are still green and leafy but the flowers have since vanished. With the gardens mostly barren now, it is time to plan for the Spring.
The first of my yearly gardening catalogs arrived today and, when I discovered it in my mailbox, I broke into a happy dance. I find immense peace in curling up near a radiator on a cold snowy day with a cup of herbal tea in one hand and a gardening catalog in the other. It is what gets me through the Winter. I can sit for hours paging through these little booklets of hope and happiness, jotting down notes on certain plants, sketching out garden beds in notebooks with colored pencils, and researching and planning uses for herbs that will be grown in the coming year. Even as snow flurries were falling this morning, I was in the garden bundled in my heaviest sweater and gloves pondering the herb garden and deciding that it must be expanded this Spring. I also took a few moments to lament the plants that did not work out in the past or did not find their way to my gardens. Ah, in the Spring...
Many a Winter day will bring hours of writing, working on my books or blogs or articles. I have always done my best writing in Winter months. As a teenager, I would sit for hours on snowy nights by my bedroom window banging away at the keys of my Mom's typewriter and page after page of fiction would accumulate on the floor next to me. The stormier the weather, the more writing I would accomplish. A blizzard was always welcome because it meant at least a day off from school and many more hours of writing. Now, as a working mom and wife, there is not as much time for writing but Winter seems to allow for it more easily, especially now that my son is a teenager. A spiral-bound copybook full of notes that will complete Book Number One awaits transcription in the coming months and another full of article and blog ideas awaits their turn to come to fruition. I am already thinking about ways to grow this blog, maybe changing its name slightly, promoting it a bit more, and adding some new features. This is always a work in progress but more so in the Winter.
Winter is a time of deep reflection for me as well. I look back at the past year, at its triumphs and its shortcomings, at my own successes and failures. I try to sort the past year's events, emotions, and information into their proper places in my mental filing cabinet. There are many things to be sorted through this year - the book that was supposed to be but was sidetracked by life events, the close friendship that seems to have come to an end, the growing pains of being the mother of a teenage son, a bit of family turmoil, and the projects that were never even started. In some of these things, I gained much wisdom and learned many lessons about myself and about others. Some things need to be placed in temporary folders because they will be addressed again or brought to fruition in 2013. Other things just need to go in that closed but classified folder in the very back of my brain to be accessed only if absolutely necessary. And then there are the no-longer-needed things that I just need to get out of my head and into the trash bin. Much of this mental filing goes hand-in-hand with my writing and will find its way into their approriate folders through putting thoughts onto paper (or screen).
There is much to look forward to in 2013, chief among them is the anticipated birth of my sister's child. I can't wait to hold my niece, to read to her, to sing to her, to take her out into the garden on a warm Spring day and tell her all about the faeries that live under the lilac bush. There is also the completion and, hopefully, the publishing of Book Number One. I can't wait to have it out of my head, onto paper, and put into the Pagan world for reading. There are numerous herbal crafts to be made, like candles and soaps for which the hubby gave me several items to aid in their crafting for Yule/Christmas this year. There are the home repair projects that my husband has on his Honey-Do list that will bring my home closer to what I envision for it. I am excited to see where the continued writing of this blog and my column at The Pagan Household takes me. There is wisdom and knowledge to gain from all of the wonderful Pagan authors and writers I admire and respect. There are people to meet, new friends to make, new connections to be forged. And, of course, there is the magick of my Village Wise Woman Gardens.
So, as 2012 spins towards its end and 2013 comes upon our doorsteps, I welcome Winter, cold and snowy days, gardening catalogs in my mailbox, words appearing on my laptop screen, meditations on what was, what is and and what will be, a new little life, new readers, new writers, and herbs and flowers galore. I wish all of you a joyful, peaceful, healthy, and prosperous new year. May it bring good things to all of you! Blessed Be!
The Village Wise Woman Gardens are asleep for the coming cold days and nights of Winter, covered in layers of decaying Autumn leaves and bits of evergreen branches not used in our Yule wreaths, swags and vase arrangements. Only a few plants and bushes continue to grow - the holly in pots at the patio entrance, the Burkwood's Broom in the rock garden, the assorted evergreen bushes and trees, and, amazingly, my Japanese Honeysuckle, which still has bright red flowers on it and mostly bright green leaves. A couple of chrysanthemums are still green and leafy but the flowers have since vanished. With the gardens mostly barren now, it is time to plan for the Spring.
The first of my yearly gardening catalogs arrived today and, when I discovered it in my mailbox, I broke into a happy dance. I find immense peace in curling up near a radiator on a cold snowy day with a cup of herbal tea in one hand and a gardening catalog in the other. It is what gets me through the Winter. I can sit for hours paging through these little booklets of hope and happiness, jotting down notes on certain plants, sketching out garden beds in notebooks with colored pencils, and researching and planning uses for herbs that will be grown in the coming year. Even as snow flurries were falling this morning, I was in the garden bundled in my heaviest sweater and gloves pondering the herb garden and deciding that it must be expanded this Spring. I also took a few moments to lament the plants that did not work out in the past or did not find their way to my gardens. Ah, in the Spring...
Many a Winter day will bring hours of writing, working on my books or blogs or articles. I have always done my best writing in Winter months. As a teenager, I would sit for hours on snowy nights by my bedroom window banging away at the keys of my Mom's typewriter and page after page of fiction would accumulate on the floor next to me. The stormier the weather, the more writing I would accomplish. A blizzard was always welcome because it meant at least a day off from school and many more hours of writing. Now, as a working mom and wife, there is not as much time for writing but Winter seems to allow for it more easily, especially now that my son is a teenager. A spiral-bound copybook full of notes that will complete Book Number One awaits transcription in the coming months and another full of article and blog ideas awaits their turn to come to fruition. I am already thinking about ways to grow this blog, maybe changing its name slightly, promoting it a bit more, and adding some new features. This is always a work in progress but more so in the Winter.
Winter is a time of deep reflection for me as well. I look back at the past year, at its triumphs and its shortcomings, at my own successes and failures. I try to sort the past year's events, emotions, and information into their proper places in my mental filing cabinet. There are many things to be sorted through this year - the book that was supposed to be but was sidetracked by life events, the close friendship that seems to have come to an end, the growing pains of being the mother of a teenage son, a bit of family turmoil, and the projects that were never even started. In some of these things, I gained much wisdom and learned many lessons about myself and about others. Some things need to be placed in temporary folders because they will be addressed again or brought to fruition in 2013. Other things just need to go in that closed but classified folder in the very back of my brain to be accessed only if absolutely necessary. And then there are the no-longer-needed things that I just need to get out of my head and into the trash bin. Much of this mental filing goes hand-in-hand with my writing and will find its way into their approriate folders through putting thoughts onto paper (or screen).
There is much to look forward to in 2013, chief among them is the anticipated birth of my sister's child. I can't wait to hold my niece, to read to her, to sing to her, to take her out into the garden on a warm Spring day and tell her all about the faeries that live under the lilac bush. There is also the completion and, hopefully, the publishing of Book Number One. I can't wait to have it out of my head, onto paper, and put into the Pagan world for reading. There are numerous herbal crafts to be made, like candles and soaps for which the hubby gave me several items to aid in their crafting for Yule/Christmas this year. There are the home repair projects that my husband has on his Honey-Do list that will bring my home closer to what I envision for it. I am excited to see where the continued writing of this blog and my column at The Pagan Household takes me. There is wisdom and knowledge to gain from all of the wonderful Pagan authors and writers I admire and respect. There are people to meet, new friends to make, new connections to be forged. And, of course, there is the magick of my Village Wise Woman Gardens.
So, as 2012 spins towards its end and 2013 comes upon our doorsteps, I welcome Winter, cold and snowy days, gardening catalogs in my mailbox, words appearing on my laptop screen, meditations on what was, what is and and what will be, a new little life, new readers, new writers, and herbs and flowers galore. I wish all of you a joyful, peaceful, healthy, and prosperous new year. May it bring good things to all of you! Blessed Be!
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